How to Talk to Your TCK About Their Identity

When Identity Questions Come Up

TCK children ask identity questions differently at different developmental stages. Young children tend to ask concrete questions about where they belong. Adolescents often struggle with the more abstract dimensions of identity. The most useful thing parents can do at every stage is not to provide answers, but to hold the questions without anxiety and to model the acceptance of complexity.

• When your child asks identity questions, what does your response communicate about whether those questions are welcome?
• Are you trying to resolve the identity question for your child, or helping them develop the capacity to hold it?
• What is your own relationship with your identity, and how does that shape the conversations you have with your child?
• What would it mean to model genuine comfort with cultural complexity, rather than performed comfort?